Owning My Wins

 My February has been filled with so much blessing and of goals coming to life that I feel like I got lucky. I tend to downplay my wins and blame everything on luck. This month taught me that:

-          Things meant for you will eventually find you

-          I still love reading fantasy books

-          I am already good and still in the process of getting better

I finally found a job that I could love after months of doubting if I’d ever find one. I was ready to settle with whatever job I could find because it’s been eight months since my previous work, and I feel like I’m starting to get rusty in what I do. I’ve been through a lot of self-doubt nights where I would cry and feel so purposeless.

I thought I’d hit jackpot when I landed on this job. It was a tedious process of interviews and I thought I just wouldn’t get it, but I did. I did not allow myself to think so much about how I did every interview because I don’t want to hate myself for faults I could find.

Most of the time, I feel like a fraud who only got lucky to be where I am and achieving the things I’ve achieved. Then I stumbled upon this book called Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Valerie Young, and turns out I’m not the only who’s feeling like an impostor.

So now, I try to talk to myself this way:

I am responsible for every right and wrong that I chose to do. Therefore, I am responsible for the nights I chose to stay up reading, studying, and learning to be better. I never felt smart so I take it upon myself to work twice as hard so that I could at least keep up with others. I did what needs to be done and the recognition that sometimes come with it is mine because I worked hard for it. I own, most if not all, my wins.