Not to jinx it but. . .

 I’m happy.

I’ve never seen happiness as an inspiration for writing which is why I’ve been quiet these past few weeks. I rarely become acquainted with this emotion that whenever I feel it, I revel upon it, and as selfish as it sounds, would only want to keep it to myself. But this time, I can feel that it’s different which is why I am also trying to work around it.

This time, I know it would stay.

After a lot of self-help books, podcasts, and journaling that I’ve done these past two years, I can now look at myself in the mirror with a loving glance. I’ve always thought that being critical with myself has been the reason why I am accomplishing things in life. It was hard to reintroduce this kind of approach, this gentleness towards one’s self, and this love and acceptance that I’ve been trying to look for in others, that was always within me.  

I find happiness in the smallest of things. I forgive myself for not accomplishing every thing on my to-do list. I listen to my body. I’ve set boundaries and limit people who have access on me. I still think that my bedroom is my brightest place. I say no. I do what feels right. I am living the life I’ve wanted. And most importantly, I am no longer nostalgic nor am I living in the past.

I am still getting used to this. 22 years and still discovering all the secrets of my own self and this life. If there’s anything I can share with people who’s also in search for happiness, it is to let go. Once you’ve surrendered control, things will work out the way they are supposed to. And once they are, make peace with the outcome. That’s the secret.