I C U

Being in quarantine, alone, makes me realize a lot of things. Lately, I refuse to be alone because I do not want my thoughts. But I guess you can never run away from yourself.

I opened up with a friend about the unhealthy patterns that I see in myself. It is not that I am the type who easily falls in love, it is that deep down I settle because I am scared of being alone. I feel like I cannot love myself enough that I try to look for it from other people, pleasing them so much so that they could validate and love me. Might have been because of some childhood traumas I still carry. I'm working on it now but I know it would not be easy.

What surprised me most is that I thought she would dismiss me. But, instead, she assured me that I have a lot of people who care and love me. My family and friends. Well, that's surprising because most times, whenever a friend of ours would rant about stuff, she would dismiss them and say that there is nothing to stress about. It's tough love, she would say.

But she listened and heard me. And sometimes, it is more than enough to feel acknowledged and be seen. :)


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