Flowing

It's October and less than a hundred days before Christmas, my favorite time of the year. I used to not know where I'd end up at this point. After college, I feel like a blank and purposeless canvas. But I am slowly filling the tabula rasa that I am. The past weeks have been frustrating and exhausting, but I found a place where I feel like I truly belong. Finally. Somewhere I can be myself, I can practice what I can do, and a place where I know I can be more.

I still feel lonely sometimes, but I no longer let myself be consumed by the things that used to control and hurt me. It also amazes me how the months have changed me. 2019 is almost over but the learning continues. Some lessons are meant to hurt. I also learned how not to hold on too much-- how to let go and let things be. How to stop trying to control what I cannot change. I've learned how to persist in my dreams and to live for it. Before, I thought some dreams would stay as dreams. But they are not and we must persist so that we can convince the universe that we are deserving to live our best lives. The best life for me is the one lived. One lived means braving the uncertainty of tomorrow and having hope that my time would soon come. I've also learned patience. To be patient with my growth and to live with my mediocrity. I may not be the best but I am doing my best.

A lot still has to happen, but this brave and resilient heart would make it. I know I could because I know better now.