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Good morning. It has indeed been a while since I last had a good and slow morning to ground myself. I got my booster shot for covid yesterday and experienced some of the side effects. For the first time in 8 months at my not so new work; I took a pause and used my leave. To be honest,  I still feel physically capable of working but the truth is I’m exhausted mentally. It’s been a brutal ride for my mental health transitioning to another company, juggling two jobs for a month barely getting enough sleep, relationships ending, losing the people I love to different illnesses, my deep seated fears of not being good enough – sometimes all of these strike me all at once that it kind of paralyzes me.  But I still show up, everyday, like I don’t struggle to merely survive.  I’m still so hard on myself whenever I do not meet any expectations or if I do not excel or if I am not doing as much as I thought I should. I feel like resting is a prize I am not worthy of.  It’s August...
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And then you keep living

     I figured it out.      My life, of course.      Life's been pretty shitty lately. I've been feeling shitty. And it feels even more shitty to not want to be shitty anymore.      Now that's a lot of curse words and I really have to work on my dirty mouth.      I wanna lie and tell how my life's great and I am thriving but fuck that bullshit (oops). If I'm gonna be honest, I hate my heart for feeling a lot. I got caught up on a new guy again and what differs this time is that I couldn't hate him. He didn't treat me poorly nor lied to me, it's just that he doesn't like me back. And he's everything I fucking want.      My heart keeps on making poor decisions and I fucking hate it.      I am not proud to be so hung up on such stupidity but this shit has been weighing me down. I feel like a fucking loser who couldn't live up to the girl he wanted. I so desperately want to b...
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Owning My Wins

 My February has been filled with so much blessing and of goals coming to life that I feel like I got lucky. I tend to downplay my wins and blame everything on luck. This month taught me that: -           Things meant for you will eventually find you -           I still love reading fantasy books -           I am already good and still in the process of getting better I finally found a job that I could love after months of doubting if I’d ever find one. I was ready to settle with whatever job I could find because it’s been eight months since my previous work, and I feel like I’m starting to get rusty in what I do. I’ve been through a lot of self-doubt nights where I would cry and feel so purposeless. I thought I’d hit jackpot when I landed on this job. It was a tedious process of interviews and I thought I just wouldn’t get it, but I did. ...
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