Shayari Blues

I am sitting comfortably at the sofa of our house, near a window overlooking the starless sky. The night is quiet, and soon I would fall into slumber. But then I thought about looking back, so I am writing this. If you know me personally, you would know hardworking I am. I always give my best in everything that I do, and too often it’s because I’m scared of being mediocre. And love isn’t an exception of that.   Years ago, I would wake up early to attend my classes. I rarely come unprepared so I would try to read some notes before leaving home. It’s a routine that up to this day I carry with me and has been very handy at work. And you know what else was a routine? Every morning, I’d wake up with a message from someone who loves me. Remembering how we were back then makes me smile. No, I no longer love him. But I know I would never be young and foolish again as I was before. And at that time, I was happy. The simplest message of someone believing in me saying, “kaya m...

Being in quarantine, alone, makes me realize a lot of things. Lately, I refuse to be alone because I do not want my thoughts. But I guess you can never run away from yourself. I opened up with a friend about the unhealthy patterns that I see in myself. It is not that I am the type who easily falls in love, it is that deep down I settle because I am scared of being alone. I feel like I cannot love myself enough that I try to look for it from other people, pleasing them so much so that they could validate and love me. Might have been because of some childhood traumas I still carry. I'm working on it now but I know it would not be easy. What surprised me most is that I thought she would dismiss me. But, instead, she assured me that I have a lot of people who care and love me. My family and friends. Well, that's surprising because most times, whenever a friend of ours would rant about stuff, she would dismiss them and say that there is nothing to stress about. It's tough lo...