Shayari Blues

I am in no shape to give a piece of myself right now so I guess this is more of a breather. Exactly a year ago, I woke up to my mom crying. She told me that my dad had an affair and that I have 13-year-old sister. I was shocked and it hurt. That day I was also supposed to meet Andrei to post-celebrate his birthday as we were both busy with school. It was good because I really want to be away from home that time. We were at Tokyo Tokyo to eat ramen, I couldn't bring myself to tell Andrei the news without breaking in front of him. I was silent on the first few minutes we were together. When he got back from the counter and told me that the ramen I want was not available, I began to cry. He did not know what to do and could not figure out why I was crying over ramen, but I could not speak while I was sobbing. He assured me we will look for ramen somewhere and I laughed. To this day, a year later, I still find it very funny. I later then told him the news, I couldn't re...

The most poetic and my favorite song of Taeyeon is 11:11. The chorus roughly translates to: Everything finds its place and leaves You took all of me and left But like the two hands of the clock in my heart I keep lingering in the same place I used to not believe in wishes. As my father taught me, it won't take you anywhere as far as hard work will do. I used to be someone's 11:11 wish. Before, unlike Taeyeon's song which is heart-shattering, the 11:11 wish I know is a wistful and naive one. This person used to wish to spend his life with me, and already pictures a future with me. Used to. People can change people. And change, as he once said to me, doesn't have to be bad. For me, change is hard to live with, but it reveals itself over time. What's beneath change cannot be seen at first glance, but if you spend some time it, you would realize why it's meant to happen and why are we here now. For us, we are here now because we would grow so much more...

Becoming became my favorite word after reading Michelle Obama's incredibly written memoir. Days ago, the result of the bar exam has been released and I could not help but feel proud and teary-eyed when I saw videos online on how emotional bar passers were. I could not help but dream of seeing myself as one of them someday-- hopeful, and anxious for the result. Parents could not stop themselves from the overwhelming flow of happiness, because finally, after a decade's worth of endless patience, perseverance, and hard work, it finally pays off. Becoming a lawyer is tough. I know the stories. I've read and heard about what seems to be endless memorizations and readings; a path filled with failures, shame, and disappointments; of being absent for all of the occasions because you have to read a pile of cases. I know, and I'm a little scared. As one attorney puts it, if you want to become a lawyer, this hell is what you pay for in exchange for being that ambitious. L...